A week into this experiment I ask myself the question that was former NYC mayor Ed Koch’s mantra: “How’m I doin’?” His was a rhetorical pat on his own back, whereas mine is a scratch on my head. Because I really don’t know.
It is difficult to stretch any given task to an hour when I am hyper-aware of the clock. If I begin something at 1pm and find myself balking or drifting by 1:20, I either continue on the new path (resetting the imaginary timer with resentment) or try to refocus on the original goal. Regardless, two voices are vying for airspace in my head:
“You’re just not disciplined enough” (and what happened to all that karate training?) and “It’s OK” (and doesn’t it take 21 days to form a habit?)
I need to reconcile the sparring voices with a simple “just try again.” Bring myself back to the moment and not worry about the hour.
Two success stories today!
This morning I was organizing on my computer screen some images I once planned to market in my own future online shop. Graphics for T-shirts, greeting cards, stationery goods, mugs, the usual suspects. I dragged, dropped, and sifted through the myriad of folders, consolidated the batch with new labels, and in doing so, rekindled my desire. When I came up for air, an hour had passed. (It’s easy for a computer to suck you in and steal your soul and your watch, so maybe this doesn’t really count. But I’m counting it).
Later in the day I confronted a towering stack of summer ironing: all my favorite frock hits from the 1950s and ’60s. I put Martha Reeves and the Vandellas on the CD player and soon was “dancin’ in the street” in my head. A press of the steam button and the cotton fabric printed with poodles and Eiffel towers, gondolas and butterflies, all billowed to life.
So…how’m I doin’? Time is on my side.