My birthday was exactly one week ago today, and I do look and feel much younger than my chronological age. But self-compliments aside, many of my attempts to reach certain goals by this milestone have failed: not in spectacular crash-and-burns, but in streams of evaporating rivulets that somehow have meandered off course. I find myself stuck on a rock in a dry river bed. How do I dislodge my raft and start going with the flow again?  I need a solution that will make life manageable and productive, because there are always white water rapids in the journey, and I am tired of losing my oars.

A solution strikes like a bolt from the blue, maybe from Buddha himself?  I have always been able to work with what I have. It’s been kind of a private joke, a leftover philosophy from my grandparents who lived during the Depression. The one in the 1930s. I don’t like to buy things I think I need, when quite probably I already have them (hidden in closets or piles, but nonetheless, they are here). I also have things I can use (some are nuggets of gold), hidden in the accumulating clutter and chaos of my brain. I just need to sift a bit.

Let’s shine a kinder light on the subject: I have a lot of ideas and goals, interests and passions. And I am focus-challenged. What if I fully embrace and accept this fact, with no critical self-judgment? First I must responsibly* let go of the need to determine if my patterns are caused by DNA, horoscope, habits, or hormones.

I might be able to lasso my meandering focus, give it a little tug as well as a little hug, and apply some Zen attitude. I continue to ponder if I can do this in a way that works for me. I am still liking the gauntlet I have thrown down myself: an hour at a time.

For thirty days, I am going to see if I can create some new habits. And more important, take back the reins of my life.

In the process, I may discover on my own what people far wiser than I have always known. About how to live fully, and by that I do mean mindfully. But I am a D.I.Y.-er, and so, I need to start the journey.

On my own.

*If I were chronically and severely depressed I would absolutely follow the advice of a professional. 


Sharing my art and writing in a loosely gathered way that allows for meandering and taking the scenic route, I try to be mindful, meaningful, but still, at times, playful.
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2 Responses to Epiphany

  1. Thomas Ross says:

    Don’t worry too much about the meandering focus thing. I can relate. For me, the main thing is never to get down on myself when I realize that I have been drifting, off task, meandering. Okay, that’s done and gone, I say. The only meaningful question is what am I going to do right now.

    Thanks for sharing your journey in such an honest and open way.

  2. DIRNDL SKIRT says:

    Nice and practical advice, Thomas~ thanks. I have drifted a bit, and now am going to enjoy every second of every bite of a healthy sandwich. Hunger is a powerful focus tool.

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